Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
