I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
