Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
