Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
