My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
