So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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