haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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