i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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