Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
