I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
