i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
