it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
