everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the condom got lost in my hair
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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