I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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