Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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