Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
