You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
