New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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