you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
