he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
