do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
