The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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