Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize