I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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