Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
