I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
