Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Someone came in the potted fern
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
