I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
