So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
