we're blogging at a bar
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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