Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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