My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
