Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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