Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
