i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it's like heaven, but drunker
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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