Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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