she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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