I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
