I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize