So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize