i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize