wrigley field is MILF paradise
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
