When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
