I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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