I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
