you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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