I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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