Porn is love you can see.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
