his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
