my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I want is dick and wine.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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