I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
