There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
