I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
