U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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