you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
