I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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