He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
