Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
