Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize