I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
