So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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