so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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