Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
