Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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