Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
