Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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