i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
