I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
