If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
