Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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