pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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