P.S. I can't hear my feet
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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