Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
