remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
