During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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