i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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