so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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