My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Please, let me fuck your mom
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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